his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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