So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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