I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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