It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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