I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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