Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
