a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
