Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
