last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
