After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I could make wine with my vomit
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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