She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
