Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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