Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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