Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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