I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
