We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
