there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
