Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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