i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
