Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
