So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
