Kiss
Puke
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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