Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
