My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
