on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
