you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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