I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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