Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
