your thong is hanging out like whoa
did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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