She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
