Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
