i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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