So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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