Duck Duck Cougar?
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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