I think i sorta joined a cult last night
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
