he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
