I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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