U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
