Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
