Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
