OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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