Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
