apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
