I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
