i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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