I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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