you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
