My entire life is one complicated drinking game
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need to calm my uterus...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
