went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
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