They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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